Two years ago today, we lost Sondra Bentley... my wonderful aunt. Since then, family and friends have left messages of love and farewell at an online guestbook for her and others to read. I haven't. More truthfully, I just couldn't.
I should've said something by now, and if I'm being honest this has just been easier to avoid. But there's no closure in avoidance, and I feel there'll never be closure in this.
Anyone who's ever lost someone knows how hard it is to say goodbye. So I won't. I called her phone number until it was no longer hers just so I could hear her voice when it went to voicemail.
I loved reading the guest book stories and memories everyone has of Aunt Sondra. It's amazing to see her through everyone else's eyes, and the different perspectives almost allow me to have new memories of her. One of my happiest moments was introducing her to my son, her nephew, Max.
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People always try to find something nice to say about someone when they pass, and when thinking about Aunt Sondra you don't have to try very hard. She understood and practiced what most people probably take a lifetime to learn; that every minute is precious, and every day is a gift. She appreciated the beauty of life and the simple things in our world. I think that's why I love the picture of her watching the sunset so much... it's so perfectly ~her~.
If you believe as I do, that our lives extend beyond this one, you'll understand the small comfort I feel imagining her finally reunited with Justin, the son she lost tragically to an accident when we were all still so young. She carried him around in her heart for the rest of her life, just as we will do for her now.
This still isn't a goodbye... it never will be. I cry because it hurts, sure, but I'm proud of how much she means to me. Her life was a model for so many others, and my life is truly better because she was part of it.
For Aunt Sondra, I took Max and Cisco to the beach today, and that's where I thought of you. The day was especially beautiful. Clearly, you were there, too. I love you.
2 comments:
The pain never completely goes away, but we embrace the pain, the hurt, the loss, to help impact someone else's life like she impacted ours. The picture of her looking at the sunset was the last picture I took of my sister - our last visit to the beach together. She wanted a picture to send her fiance of the sunset and her on the beach. If I had known how short time would be, there would have been more memories and less of the stuff that doesn't really matter. Jermaine, this was beautifully done, heartfelt, and I pray that God will begin to heal the hurt and loss for you as He has been doing for me. I love you and am so very proud of your talents.... Mom
Speed,
That was so beautiful thank you for sharing her with all of us. You did an amazing job and I am sure she is so proud of you and your family. You have always talked so highly of her and I can see why. As you know the lose never gets easier you just get use to it. My friend Jeal who lost her daughter at 16 from cancer said you just learn to be comfortable with the uncomfortable. That just rang true for me I hope it does for you. You and your family are in my thoughts.
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